29 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
29 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers .
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be forewarned .
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at the end of the day , those reflecting upon the debacle that is the avengers would do well to take note that warning clouds loomed on the horizon for the project well before warner bros . made the contentious decision to abandon preview press screenings and scrapped plans for a gala premiere .
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this highly-anticipated film rendition of the cult television show was originally slotted for an early june opening , where it would have gone head-to-head against the rival studios' heavy hitters ; its eventual demotion to a less potent mid-august opening was an obvious early indication of the studio's lack of confidence with the picture .
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and with good reason .
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this is a joyless exercise of a film , held together by a barely coherent plot and lacking any semblance of excitement , thrills or wit .
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remarkable in its banality and brutally uninvolving , the avengers is a catastrophic mess which immediately invites comparisons to last year's case study in style over substance , joel schumacher's much-loathed batman & robin .
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( indeed , both films even feature appalling , ridiculous sequences which find central characters dressed up in fuzzy oversized costumes . )
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uma thurman , who takes on the salacious role of the catsuit-clad , karate-chopping emma peel immortalized by diana rigg , was the only bright spot in the aforementioned schumacher disaster , imbuing her poison ivy with a dose of sassiness and sly wit that gave audiences something to smile at amidst the cinematic carnage .
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unfortunately , the same can't be said here , where she and cohort ralph fiennes ( our new john steed , taking over for patrick macnee ) demonstrate no appreciable chemistry whatsoever , fatally crippling the picture as they volley fizzling repartee back and forth and trade double-entendres with all the enthusiasm of two actors painfully aware that they're on board a sinking ship .
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at this rate , usually-splendid actor mr . fiennes may never make the transition from arthouse apollo to mainstream leading man -- his tepid turn here will make as much of an inroad as his commendably seedy performance in the regrettably-neglected kathyrn bigelow film strange days .
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the duo * look * the part -- and admittedly the avengers is , more than most , heavily dependent upon style -- but they're no fun to watch , and i found myself growing increasingly distant and annoyed by the lack of spark between the two cheekily ironic characters as they navigated through the picture's caper-esque plot .
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when not checking my wristwatch or shifting restlessly in my seat , i began to alleviate the boredom by considering how this all might have played out had the filmmakers chose to go instead with that erstwhile emma as our mrs . peel -- no , not kate beckinsale ( although the notion now intrigues me ) , but gwyneth paltrow , who was originally in the running for the part and can veritably handle a spot-on english accent .
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if nothing else , it'd at least be highly entertaining for the incongruous sight of the vaguely twiggish young actress kicking butt .
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the story , such as it is , involves the ever-bemused tandem of steed and peel combating the malevolent sir august de wynter ( sean connery ) , an eccentric aristocrat threatening the safety of the nation with his climate-controlling contraption .
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( they also sip a lot of tea . )
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overlooking some goofy cloning nonsense and quirky hijinx involving our protagonists' superiors , it sounds far better than it plays , and is rendered almost indecipherable by blatant post-production tinkering ; it's clearly evident that the picture has been cut to shreds .
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the avengers was never about gripping drama , and our heroes accordingly never take villainous sir august very seriously , but given the lack of cohesion in the plot and the lack of menace conveyed by the buffoonish maniac , it's all decidedly uncompelling .
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mr . connery , who's onscreen barely long enough to register an impression , approaches the role like a man fulfilling a contractual obligation , simultaneously chewing the scenery while unable to hide his disinterest .
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at least it all looks good .
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this is a genuinely handsome production , with fine costume design by anthony powell and crisply shot by roger pratt .
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in particular , the gleaming production design by stuart craig commands attention , adeptly drawing elements both old and new in order to depict this great britain .
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there are a handful of striking visual moments in the film , including an attack by a swarm of giant robotic bees and a nice shot of steed and peel finding a way to walk on water , but the film is so unremittingly dull that even these instances fail to stir interest or raise pulse rates .
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by the time the film's climax had arrived , my interest was not with the sight of steed and sir august slugging it out amidst crashing waves and thundering rain , but with the quickest escape route from the theatre .
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not coincidentally , the enticing bits of visual bravura were the shots assembled into the movie's remarkable trailer , a savvy piece of work which ironically is infinitely more appealing that the feature film itself ; the first promo which made the rounds in early spring is probably my favourite studio trailer so far this year .
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it's everything that the avengers is not -- saucy , clever , engaging , and entertaining .
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a crushing disappointment , the film is one of the worst outings of the year -- too drearily awful to be savoured as gleefully bad , too polished to overlook its deficiencies .
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there may be upcoming pictures that are even more lifeless than the avengers , but i sure hope not .
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