53 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
53 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
the stereotypical american male has an undeniable fetishistic love of sports cars .
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producer jerry bruckheimer plays upon that attraction with a movie so loaded with testosterone and laced titillatingly with shot after frenetic shot of powerful muscle cars , sleek foreign road huggers and iconic speed machines that many males will leave the theater in an orgasmic haze .
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gone is 60 seconds is an orgy of maleness gone horribly awry .
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cage is legendary retired car thief , memphis raines ( don't you love cute movie names ) , who must call upon his time worn skills to save his thick-headed brother ( ribisi ) from being killed .
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seems a murderous crime boss ( eccleston ) with a fetish for wood ( insert your own joke ) hired brother kip to steal a ridiculous amount of expensive , exotic autos .
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fifty cars , to be exact .
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poor kip screws the pooch and bungles the job badly .
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if the cars aren't delivered in three days , bossman has a casket carved out just for kip .
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literally .
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if only someone could save him .
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hmmmm . . wonder
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what memphis is doing ?
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in order to give the film some emotional heft , there are several subplots designed to tug at our heartstrings or give us the thrill of . . . yawn , excuse me , dramatic tension .
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shadowing memphis is an old law enforcement foe ( lindo ) who's looking to send memphis away .
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will he catch him ?
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there's old flame sway ( jolie ) , who had her heart broken by memphis years ago .
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will they get back together ?
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shortsighted , thrill seeker kip idolizes his brother , yet resents him for moving away from the family .
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will they reconnect ?
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raines old mentor ( duvall ) has long since left the life of crime .
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will memphis get him finally caught as he pulls him back into the life , one more time ?
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can you answer all these questions correctly in 2 seconds without seeing the film first ?
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i'll bet you can .
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following the opening credits , which fill you in on the accomplishments of the raines family through a montage of old photos , we was taken full throttle into the splendor that is memphis .
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he's first shown living the good life teaching young children to drive go-carts .
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in a later scene , as misfit brother kip knowingly tells memphis he has the stolen car situation under control , all the while making breakfast , a metaphor is made of shakespearean proportions .
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just as a pan of grease flares up with kip clueless to how to quell it , big brother memphis calmly and efficiently throws some salt on it .
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looks like everything might turn out alright after all .
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you know this because the music swells on the crest of violins .
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that's about as strong as the characterization gets , which is a shame .
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bruckheimer has a real talent for loading his movies with an obscene amount of talent given the task at hand .
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monumentally underused jolie portrays an empty headed sexpot whose idea of sex revolves around cars and memphis .
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or maybe it's just the cars .
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duvall trots out his ornery , but sweet old codger outfit .
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i'm sure he's still laughing at taking a paycheck for this one .
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lindo projects a warm hearted , but tightly focused detective that almost transcends the material .
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the biggest waste of resources is vinnie jones , who plays a mute accomplice of memphis .
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without saying a word , he is easily the most charismatic person in the movie .
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like a blast of nitrous oxide , he attacks each scene with a straightforward zeal .
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too bad his minutes onscreen are so few .
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somehow , bruckheimer manages to attract top hollywood acting talent to high concept , poorly written movies , gussies up the film with lots of gold hues and pleasingly stylized action and they sell like proverbial hotcakes .
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every time something clever happens it's counterbalanced by something so overtly wrong that it jerks you back into realizing you're watching a movie .
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there's a innovative usage of black lighting that goes from being a novelty to a part of the plot .
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it's counterbalanced by an extremely feeble attempt at humor by having an asian american repeatedly failing a driver's test .
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imagine the yuks .
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there's a segment where one of the thieves shows another his cool fake fingerprint trick .
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it's countered by the lame semi-subplot of a car being stolen with a bunch of heroin in the trunk .
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the ramifications are never explored .
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then there's the ridiculousness of the many cops who actually shoot at fleeing cars .
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not only is it stupid , but it's against the law .
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this is a movie made of pretty , but tepid car chases strung together by just enough character interaction to move the plot along .
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gone in 60 seconds aptly describes how long it'll take for this marginally entertaining , but empty film to leave your memory .
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