48 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
48 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
there's a scene somewhere in this film where one of the characters reads the book " screenwriting made easy . "
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this is funny the first time just 'cause it is , but funnier as the film goes on since it's totally ironic since the screenwriters of this inane film probably read it , outlined it and then wrote this film .
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it's like they took the sub-genre of the disaster pic , which can be fun and hokey at the same time , and then forgot one of the greatest parts of them : the stupid , eccentric characters .
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yes , " the poseidon adventure " is crap , but it's fun 'cause of all the stupid , eccentric characters .
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and " earthquake , " my god !
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" earthquake " has got to be one of the worst movies of all time , but at least they had the joke of having charlton heston sleeping with genevieve bujold .
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" volcano " takes a semi-intriguing yet stupendously inane plot ( a volcano no one knew about suddenly errupts one fine morning and then erupts again later then stops . . . only
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it's in , dare i say it ?
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l . a ! ! ! ) and then puts no stupid , stereotypical , eccentric characters in it .
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they're just stupid .
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and the actors are all good ones .
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tommy lee jones is great , an oscar winner , and a member of the men in black ( my vote for what should be the coolest movie of the summer ) .
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anne heche is a good indy actress .
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don cheadle stole the disappointing " devil in a blue dress " from denzel's feet .
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and gaby's one of the few good teenage actors .
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but they get nothing to do but act dumb and scream at what's going on .
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they do their best , god bless them , but they're all lost in the fake magma ( only don cheadle gets an interesting part and he's the greatest part of the film ) .
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there's no real suspense here 'cause you don't care about anyone .
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i actually was rooting for gaby's character to get killed so tommy lee jones wouldn't have to keep saving her ( he did it like thirty times ! ) .
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and there are no interesting sites in l . a . that we see get destroyed .
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part of the fun of disaster films is watching sites get toppled or destroyed or whatever .
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in " independence day , " the best part ( other than judd hirsch ) was watching the white house and empire state building get blown up by the aliens .
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that was cool .
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watching really fake-looking magma plow down the street is not .
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okay , so the film's not devoid of merit .
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as i already stated , don cheadle was great and the cast does their best .
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and there's this really moronic scene which looks cool .
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john carrol lynch ( norm from " fargo " ) goes on a subway car to save people but the lava comes and surrounds it .
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he has one guy who's wounded and could make it .
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he could throw the guy and jump and still survive .
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but no ! ! !
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he has to go and inanely jump and land right in the middle of the lava .
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here's the cool sight : he melts .
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here's the dumb part of it : he somehow manages to throw the man to safety as his legs are melting .
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cool sight .
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no logic .
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but cool sight .
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the volcano erupts twice and for some reason , the film ends there .
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they aren't worried about it eruting again , they just go home to their toppled homes .
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but to tell the truth , i was glad they didn't go on .
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i was hoping the film was over after the first eruption ended .
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my god , it was actually painful to sit through this little 102 minute long film .
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i haven't seen " dante's peak " but i've heard it's a masterpiece compared to this .
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if you want to see a cool disaster flick that's inane but interesting , rent " the towering inferno " with steve mcqueen , paul newman , and the schweppervescent o . j .
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simpson ( he saves a cat ) .
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if you want to waste your time watching a boring , stupid disaster flick ( literally , it almost grossed half of its budget ) , see this .
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but i warned you .
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