43 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
43 lines
3.9 KiB
Plaintext
in my opinion , a movie reviewer's most important task is to offer an explanation for his opinion .
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but with soul survivors , i'm so full of critical rage that this review is liable to turn into a venomous , uncontrollable rant , obligations damned .
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however , protocol forces me to do otherwise .
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soul survivors tells the story of four college-bound friends : cassandra ( melissa sagemiller ) is sweet and innocent .
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party girl annabel ( eliza dushku of bring it on ) is dating world-weary harvard student matt ( wes bentley ) .
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matt still has feelings for cassie , who is now dating sean ( casey affleck ) .
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driving back from a creepy , gothic party , the quartet gets into a horrific car crash .
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sean dies , leaving cassie crestfallen and guilty , made worse because sean saw matt kiss cassie just minutes after sean revealed his love for her .
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as cassie mopes through her classes , she sees the ghost of sean all over the place , urging her to follow him .
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along with being plagued by other ghastly visions , cassie is also followed by thugs from that strange party .
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annabel and matt try calming her down , but no one shares cass's visions .
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she has to figure out this purgatory all by herself .
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rarely have i seen a director so thoroughly mishandle material .
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in his directorial debut , steve carpenter does nothing to provoke the audience into feeling any emotion .
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when the movie's camerawork isn't pedestrian , it's clich ? d .
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carpenter's need for close-ups , his camera following sagemiller from behind , drain the movie of any anticipation .
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we already know what to look for , so why should we be surprised ?
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and the sense of scary atmosphere , which was recently done so well in the others , is nowhere to be found here .
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carpenter's script relies on random twists and turns with a minimum of logic and loads of laziness .
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this is a movie where the ending features one character providing an explanation about the plot to another character , which is one of the lamest screenwriting devices around .
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the second lamest device , of course , is the , " oh , it was all a dream " resolution .
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and guess what ?
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this movie has both !
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not that the main body of the film , which has sagemiller constantly running in fear or having a nervous breakdown , is anything worthwhile .
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since there's no captivating dialogue , no character chemistry exists anywhere .
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that's a huge problem , since the four main characters are supposed to be couples .
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carpenter can't even get the smutty scenes right , which are becoming more prevalent in pg-13 movies like bring it on and get over it .
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[the film was recently re-cut from an r rating to get more kids in the seats .
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-ed . ]
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when sagemiller and dushku dance together at a club , he rarely shows them in a full shot and he never keeps the camera on them for longer than a second before relating to some michael bay-style quick cuts .
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and when sagemiller and dushku take a shower together after getting covered in paint , they're fully clothed .
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regardless , any sexiness in that scene is undercut by its stupidity .
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why wouldn't they wash the clothes in the sink or in the washing machine ?
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why would they shower in their clothes ?
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what if they weren't covered in latex paint ?
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the cast , which will see better material in the future , would be wise to leave this one off their resumes .
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i felt sorry for affleck , who i've liked in other movies , and bentley , who was great in american beauty .
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dushku , who possesses an alluring femme fetale quality , has got to stop taking roles belonging to rose mcgowan .
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as for sagemiller ( star of the aforementioned get over it ) , i want to see her in a movie where she plays a person , and not an object for gawking .
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and i'm not even getting into luke wilson's role as a priest .
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at least he's friends with wes anderson .
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bottom line : soul survivors is so awful i feel compelled to knock on doors and warn people about it .
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