41 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
41 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
vikings v . bears ?
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no , this isn't the lineup for monday night football .
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rather , these are the two opposing forces that will battle to the death in " the 13th warrior , " a film that is as dramatically flat as it is gratuitously gory .
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based on michael crichton's book , eaters of the dead , this viking saga tries to evoke the mysticism of fabled norsemen and the glorious battles that they fought .
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their strength and honor would eventually etch their place in history among the greatest warriors that ever picked up a sword .
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luckily for the vikings , however , their warring abilities were not as clumsy as this film .
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antonio bandaras is ahmed , a travelling ambassador .
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accompanied by his friend ( omar shariff in a cameo ) , they eventually come across a small viking village .
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we see that the vikings are an extremely proud group whose greatest strength is their fortitude .
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they laugh heartily , revel in their arrogance , and sing songs of battles won .
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but their festivities are about to be halted when a messenger boy arrives to tell the village leader that a great evil is threatening their land .
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help is needed quickly .
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an elderly , fortune-telling witch arrives .
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after a brief incantation , she proclaims that 12 warriors and one more " not of norse blood " are needed to ensure victory .
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personally , i always wonder why people believe these oracles when they look so haggardly and on the brink of insanity .
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nonetheless , 12 men eagerly accept their place while ahmed becomes the pivotal 13th .
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the group then sets out to do the greatest battle of their lives .
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of course during their ride , ahmed becomes the target of fun for the other 12 burly viking warriors .
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but he ably shows that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but rather the size of the fight in the dog .
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he is able to overcome the proud arrogance of the vikings , but will his skills ( and that of the group ) be enough to defeat whatever evil is menacing the countryside ?
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it does not look promising .
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these creatures , resembling bears , are strong and have high morale .
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they are fearless and display a desire for decapitating the heads of their enemies .
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they attack by the hundreds and the next strike will come soon .
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the warriors prepare their defenses and pray to their gods .
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they are ready to sacrifice their lives .
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" this is a good way to die , " says one of the fallen warriors .
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despite the larger-than-life battle sequences , i was unmoved by the entire experience .
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at many points , i was even confused .
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for example , somewhere in the middle of the film , a sub-plot creeps up involving the prince of the threatened land .
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he seems to have an agenda to elevate himself to greater power during this crisis .
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however , the sub-plot never fully materializes , and we are left scratching our heads as to the purpose of its inclusion .
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there are other questions that i had , but the real problem was that the story ( little of it that there was ) offered no characters to love or hate .
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the leader of the viking warriors had the most charisma .
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however , banderas's role is completely underwritten and it is unclear why being the 13th warrior makes him so special .
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an entire rewrite of the ahmed character is in order .
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also , much of the action takes place during torrential downpours or at night , which made battles very difficult to follow .
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i would have preferred more time looking at the viking culture and how their beliefs shaped their decision to do battle against the enemy .
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as it stands , the film manages more confusion than intensity .
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it would make thor cry .
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